February 4th, 2009

like a very hairy jake gyllenhaal

(no subject)

who else could go for some flapjacks right now?
  • Current Music
    put your little hand in mine / there ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
dharma bum

going to get lost

wednesday lxxviii

updating before lost.

the date of the final jeopardy answer was october 14, 1947.

it's hard to believe 111475 u.s. females are named constance.

i find it hard to imagine one.
blue legacy

(no subject)

profundities so asinine and painted-as-earnest you laugh til it hurts like it hurts your brain.

"you don't think, maybe, it really was the devil?"

"there's no such thing, chris. there's only bad people."
ha ha ha ha

(no subject)


two-and-a-half men is fantastic.

january 12th episode.

features carol kane ftw. (ftw is wtf backwards...)

and i love the way they're pushing the network-broadcast-censor-envelope.

[dr. alan harper stands outside a house. he knocks on the door.]
melissa, his receptionist: dr. harper, what are you doing here?
alan harper: what do you think i'm doing here?
m: please don't make me guess.
ah: [lustily] i'm makin' you guess.
[she pounces & they make out]
ah: correct.

[woman {kane} approaches the doorway from inside the house.]
woman: melissa, honey, who's here?
m: uh, mom, this is my boss, dr. harper.
m: dr. harper, this is my mother.
ah: [nervously] hello.
w: hello yourself. i understand there's been some inappropriate behavior in the workplace.
ah: yeah, well, uh, about that. i i i just want you to know that i have nothing but respect for your daughter. and i i would never do anything to --
w: i'm just yanking your chain! ain't nothin' wrong with beddin' the boss. that's how i wound up with the little princess here and half a black angus franchise. well come on in, i'm watchin' hellboy.
ah: okay, thanks.
[they enter.]
w: do you smoke dope?

{scene with charlie}

[all sitting together on a sofa looking at a photo album.]
w: [pointing] and this picture here is toward the end of my labor.
w: [pointing] that's my vagina.
w: [pointing] and that's melissa's little head pokin' outta me like a groundhog. hey, i guess if she'd seen her shadow i woulda had six more weeks of labor.
ah: that's funny.
w: of all my kids, she was the easiest. just like poppin' out a ping-pong ball. poonk!
ah: that's quite an image.
w: yeah. oh, and it was a natural childbirth too. no drugs. just a couple of peyote buttons and bitin' down on a rope.
m: uh, mom, would you mind if dr. harper and i have a little time alone?
w: sorry honey. you kids must be as horny as a couple of drunken rabbits. enjoy.
[she starts out of the room.]
w: oh and uh, kama sutra's on the bookshelf...'case you feel like pushin' the envelope.
[she leaves the room.]
m: i'm sorry about that, mom never really made it home from woodstock.
ah: don't be silly, she's delightful.
ah: i'm just gonna close this up now.
[closes photo album.]
[kisses her and they start making out.]
[mother passes through the room.]
w: don't mind me, i'm just gonna roll a phatty in the backyard and zone out in the hammock.

{scene with charlie}

[ah & m making out.]
["up and away...in my beautiful balloon" plays.]
ah: hang on.
[ah sets m aside and takes out his cell phone.]
ah: charlie, now's not a good time. all right, put him on.
jake harper: i can't talk now, dad, i'm about to get lucky with an older woman.
ah: what! where are you? jake? jake?
[mother enters the room, blows smoke at alan]
w: alan? would you be totally weirded out by a little mother-daughter tag team?

{fade to black}