cleaning up so well (jones_casey) wrote,
cleaning up so well
jones_casey

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the trick is living without an answer

wednesday.

you're so beautiful.
i'm at a loss for words.
you make my heart beat like a schoolboy's.
you don't believe me, do you?
you inspire such deep respect.
who do you love?
claudia, who are you with?
who do you care for?

you.

you arrived just in time, you know.
why do you smile that way?
i never know if you're judging me, absolving me, mocking me.

i'm listening.
you said you wanted to tell me about the film.
i don't know anything.

could you leave everything behind and start from zero again?
pick one thing, and one only, and be absolutely devoted to it?
make it the reason for your existence, the thing that contains everything, becomes everything, because your dedication to it makes it last forever?
could you?
all right, listen.
if i were to say, claudia...

where are we going?
i don't know the way.
and what about you?
could you?

the springs must be nearby.
listen.
turn here.
no, this guy here, he couldn't.
he wants to grab everything, can't give up a single thing.
he changes his mind every day, because he's afraid he might miss the right path.
and he's slowly bleeding to death.

so this is how the movie ends?

no, this is how it starts.
then one day he meets the girl of the spring.
she's one of those girls that distributes the healing water.
she's beautiful, young and ancient, a child and a woman already, authentic and radiant.
there's no doubt that she's his salvation.
you'll be dressed in white and your hair will be long, just the way you wear it.
...
turn the headlights off.

and then?
...
let's leave.
i don't like this place.
it doesn't feel real.

i like it enormously.
isn't that odd?

[small laugh]
i didn't get much from your story.
a guy like your character, who doesn't love anybody, is not very sympathetic you know.
it's his fault.
what does he expect?

you think i don't know that?
you're a bit of a bore too.

you really can't take the least bit of criticism.
you're so funny with that big hat, made up like an old man.
i don't understand.
he meets a girl that can give him a new life and he pushes her away?

because he no longer believes in it.

because he doesn't know how to love.

because it isn't true that a woman can change a man.

because he doesn't know how to love.

and above all because i don't feel like telling another pile of lies.

because he doesn't know how to love.

i'm sorry, claudia, for making you come all the way here.

you're such a fake.
so, there's no part in the film.

you're right.
there isn't
and there's no film.
there's nothing anywhere.
if it were up to me we would call it all off now.

*****

we're all addicted to something.
maybe an idea
of our selves
of our lives
maybe some idea
of
success
or failure
or
...
we don't like to admit it but, uh,
we're all just
scared little animals

in augustine's time they were free associations. afterward, when discipline was corrupted, vows were everywhere added for the purpose of restoring discipline, as in a carefully planned prison.

[a messenger], [a servant], [wooer], [keeper], jaylor, his daughter, in love with palamon [his brother], [a doctor], [4] countreymen, [2 friends of the jaylor], [3 knights],

a heaven on earth i have won by wooing thee.

"do not flatter yourself too far," replied the hermit, "with the hope that i will positively yield to the frailty of pity. why should i snatch a dupe, so well fitted to endure the miseries of life as you are, from the wretchedness which his own visions, and the villainy of the world, are preparing for him?"

at times, the contrast was scarcely to be borne.

the muses made
me too a singer;
i too have sung;
the swains call me a poet,
but i believe them not:
for naught of mine,
or worthy varius yet
or cinna deem i,
but account myself
a cackling goose among melodious swans.

then henchard, scarcely believing the evidence of his senses, rose from his seat amazed at what he had done. it had been the impulse of a moment.

chapter iv
where go to die?

*****

forgive me for quoting all the time.
but we critics...do what we can.
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