[abed flags shirley]
abed: shirley! i read the new testament.
shirley: the whole thing?
a: you know, being raised by tv and movies, i always thought that jesus just walked on water and told people not to have abortions, but it’s so much cooler than that. he was like e.t., edward scissorhands, and marty mcfly combined.
[shirley makes pleased noise]
a: i would love to make a jesus movie.
s: oh, abed, that's wonderful! what do you think we should do? it needs to be cool and addictive, like that video of the kitten falling asleep.
a: absolutely. but the story's been told to death so i wanna approach it in a new way. we need a jesus movie for the postpostmodern world.
s: like...jesus as a rapper...?
a: no. i wanna tell the story of jesus from the perspective of a filmmaker exploring the life of jesus.
s: that sounds...very appealing to filmmakers...
a: see, in the filmmaker's film, jesus is a filmmaker tryin' to find god with his camera, but then the filmmaker realizes that he's actually jesus, and he's being filmed by god's camera. and it goes like that forever in both directions like a mirror in a mirror because all of the filmmakers are jesus and all their cameras are god. [shows shirley a diagram of infinite filmmaker jesuses] and the movie's called ABED. [shows shirley a page of storyboards and points at the title] all caps. filmmaking beyond film. a metafilm. my masterpiece.
s: ...i don't like it.
a: well, that's okay. you know, you're reacting the way the world did to jesus.
s: i'm reacting the way the world does to movies about makin' movies about makin' movies. i mean, c'mon charlie kaufman, some of us have work in the morning, damn!
a: does this mean you don't want to work on the movie?
s: this means there is no movie. [gets up and leaves]
[abed pauses, is inspired]
a: this IS the movie!
[a voice offscreen sings "ABED..."]