home (this home, but any home) has never been so alien to me as it was arriving here in the early hours of this morning. i found myself in an adequate apartment and i told myself, "this is not my adequate apartment!" and i asked myself "well...how did i get here?" the place is the same as it ever was; me not so much.

dave pirner has a great song called homesick about yearning for an ideal, but it's an ideal he's never experienced. so "it ain't that bad, 'cause [he's] homesick for [a] home [he's] never had." but it's not only that he's never been there, it's also that he doesn't think he could get there if he tried. i've been his kind of homesick. now i'm homesick for a never-had home i've visited, a real ideal. but it ain't so bad. 'cause i'm homesick for a home i might yet have.



so why-oh why-oh, why-oh why-oh why-oh, are we so in denial? when we know we're not happy here?


but ya'll don't wanna hear me, you just wanna dance: