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the last arrow in my quiver of whimsy

slow-walking to an epiphany

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Name:
cleaning up so well
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i've completely changed the way i view the universe.
but not the underlying physics.

***

i think nothing of tumbling down stairs.
but i have trouble climbing them.

***

you are not dead yet, it's not too late
to open your depths by plunging into them
and drink in the life
that reveals itself quietly there

***

"you are a mystery shrouded in a conundrum wrapped by some heavy duty obfuscatory half-truths, misdirections, and other meaning-subverting devices. i will not be surprised if reality melts all around us some day, and at your hand!"
-- all_unnecessary

***

a truepenny, if e'er there was.

***

forgive me for quoting all the time.
but we critics...do what we can.

reason for journal:
there was a time when people were in the habit of addressing themselves frequently and felt no shame at making a record of their inward transactions. but to keep a journal nowadays is considered a kind of self-indulgence, a weakness, and is in poor tastes. for this is an era of hardboiled-dom. today, the code of the athlete, of the tough boy -- an american inheritance, i believe, from the english gentleman -- that curious mixture of striving, asceticism, and rigor, the origins of which some trace back to alexander the great--is stronger than ever. do you have feelings? there are correct and incorrect ways of indicating them. do you have an inner life? it is nobody's business but your own. do you have emotions? strangle them. to a degree, everyone obeys this code. and it does admit of a limited kind of candor, a closemouthed straight-forwardness. but on the truest candor, it has an inhibitory effect. most serious matters are closed to the hard-boiled. they are unpracticed in introspection, and therefore badly equipped to deal with opponents whom they cannot shoot like big game or outdo in daring.

if you have difficulties, grapple with them silently, goes one of their commandments. to hell with that! i intend to talk about mine, and if i had as many mouths as siva has arms and kept them going all the time, i still could not do myself justice. in my present state of demoralization, it has become necessary for me to keep a journal--that is, to talk to myself--and i do not feel guilty of self-indulgence in the least. the hard-boiled are compensated for their silence; they fly planes or fight bulls or catch tarpon, whereas i rarely leave my room.

everyone else is growing and changing all the time and that's not really my jam. i'm more of a fast-blinking, stoic, removed, uncomfortably self-aware type. like data, or johnny five, or mork, or hal, or kitt, or k-9, or woodstock and/or snoopy, of course spock probably goes without saying.

goals:
my goals?
my goals are to find a cure for irony
and a foolproof solution to the prisoner's dilemma.
both are clearly impossible.

hobbies:
making decisions i'll regret for the rest of my life.
making decisions i'll treasure for the rest of my life.
philosophy.
poetry.
satire.
truth-seeking.
beauty-seeking.
i also enjoy making useful items out of non-useful things, like that one time i made an entire naval uniform out of kleenex box cozies.

behind the facade:
the dark essence of air behaving as water, such as a cold rain: a person gifted with both keen logic and natural intuition, giving them uncanny powers of perception and insight. one who easily sees the weakness in any argument, and savages friend and foe alike with biting sarcasm. dry and vicious wit covering a hollow sense of isolation and dissatisfaction with life.

rhetorical question if i traded it all -- if i gave it all away for one thing, just for one thing... if i sorted it out, if i knew all about this one thing, wouldn't that be something?

music (under construction):
i'm just tryin' to find/a decent melody/a song that i can sing/in my own company: acen, a tribe called quest, ben folds, bt, cake, counting crows, daft punk, de la soul, dramarama, eve 6, faithless, fischerspooner, frente!, goldfinger, inxs, king missile, margot & the nuclear so and so's, mazzy star, messiah, mike doughty, moby, new order, nina simone, nine inch nails, pink floyd, presidents of the united states of america, radiohead, regina spektor, robyn hitchcock, scala & kolacny brothers, soul coughing, the beatles, the cure, the killers, the polyphonic spree, the refreshments, the verve pipe, they might be giants, tori amos, u2, underworld, weezer

that's how i knew this story would break my heart: aimee mann, ani difranco, ben kweller, ben lee, dave matthews band, depeche mode, eminem, gang of four, kid lightning, kristin vigard, meryn cadell, morphine, muse, pet shop boys, peter gabriel, ps 22 chorus, rem, the dead milkmen, the human league, third eye blind, tokyo ghetto pussy

william shatner: william shatner

when you were young: archer avenue

getting to know you: bob dylan, joni mitchell, the sonics

only the good die young: blind melon, elliott smith, jim croce, joy division, material issue, the waitresses, tripping daisy

dancing to my stupid rhymes: freezepop

if you like to party/get on and move your body: venga boys

minor swing: belleruche

the revolution will be televised: emergency broadcast network

the day the music died: nirvana

fond, but not in love: pravada

once met: beautiful south, del amitri, luka bloom, pulnoc, the soft boys

do you think you're better off alone?: dave gahan

how did you think we'd get by without you?: the rentals

fiction (under construction):

nonfiction (under construction):

movies (under construction):

televison (under construction):
abandoned bookmarks, absurdity, agnosticism, antoine de saint-exupéry, anything is possible, artlessness, aung san suu kyi, balconies, being_unable_to_go_on, bibliophiles, breaking the fourth wall, candor, catering to whims, cinephilia, close readings, competition, computers, contrariety, daydreaming, defying the internet, deliberately obscure references, depths, dissonant harmonies, divorcing context, déjà vu, edgar poe, encyclopaedias, epiphanies, facades, failure, futility, game logic, games, going on, hobson's choices, hockey, hope as acquired condition, how words change people, hyperbaric chamber music, incandescence, inside jokes, instability, interest theft, internal contradictions, johann wolfgang von goethe, karaoke, kind cruelty, lacks, lists, lost, lucid dreaming, macgyvering, meta-cognition, metaphysical detective stories, mollberg speak, moments of extreme surrealism, monosemy, mutants, naming inanimate objects, never losing contact, nihilism, not twisting, numerology, obscure references, occam's sledgehammer, overheard conversations, painting myself into corners, parentheticals, patchworks, perfectionism, philosophy of literature, photography, prague, purposefully vague livejournal interests, sarcasm, self sabotage, slings & arrows, soixante-neuf, soul searching, speculation, spy vs spy_noise_to_signal_ratios, staying up very-very-very-very late, steampunk, subtle imperfections, superfluosity, synchronicity, the_crumbling difference_between wrong-and-right, theories of value, thunderstorms, tilting at windmills, time travel, tom swifties, transcendence, trusting because one must, unusual words, vincent van gogh, wagering, warning of skyfall, when the cat's away, working at not working, writing between the lines, you, zydeco

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